Mental Health Support: Loving Someone With Mental Health Challenges

“How can I support my loved one with their mental health?” This is perhaps the most common question we receive from the family and friends of our clients at Gladstone Psychiatry and Wellness. It’s easy to understand why. When a person you love is struggling with their mental health, many people feel helpless, confused, or afraid. Sometimes, people worry that they might say the wrong thing and cause harm to their loved one, so they hold back on their support. Other times, relatives and friends pile on gobs of support and feel frustrated that it doesn’t seem to be helping. Still others feel burnt out by their loved one’s high level of need.

We know that when our clients’ loved ones reach out to us, it is coming from a place of wanting to be as helpful as possible. This blog post aims to provide practical strategies for those who want to support a loved one with mental illness, while maintaining your own wellbeing.

Mental Health Support: Understanding Your Role

You want to support your loved one with their mental health. Now what? 

Your first job is to understand your role, which might vary depending on your relationship with the person. If you are a close family member, you might help by assisting them in accessing treatment. An employer or teacher might help put accommodations in place for someone whose mental health disability is affecting their work. And friends can be compassionate and nonjudgmental listeners, ready with a hug or a listening ear when needed.

Your role is not to “fix” your loved one’s mental illness. Mental health conditions–like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and others–are complex health problems that require professional treatment. You might have read dozens of books or been through therapy yourself, and you still can’t serve as their therapist. 

Similarly, it’s important to recognize that your loved one might not want to act on your advice, or even to enter treatment. This can be incredibly frustrating, especially when their mental health is affecting you personally. In situations like these, it is important to practice self care and healthy boundaries. We will address this issue in more detail later in the article. 

Mental Health Support With Effective Communication Strategies

How we communicate can significantly impact our ability to support someone effectively:

Validate, Validate, Validate!

Create space for your loved one to express their feelings without immediately jumping to solutions. Simple acknowledgments like “That sounds really difficult” validate their experience without minimizing their pain.

Ask Specific Questions

Instead of the broad “How are you?” which often elicits an automatic “Fine,” try more targeted questions: “How has your energy been this week?” or “Have you been able to enjoy your usual activities?” These questions demonstrate genuine interest and may provide better insight into their current state.

Avoid Invalidating and Harmful Phrases

Some well-intentioned comments can do more harm than good. These phrases invalidate a person’s emotional experiences by implying that it’s not as bad as the person says it is. Here are some examples:

• “Everything happens for a reason”
• “Others have it worse”
• “You just need to stay positive”
• “Have you tried exercising/meditation/this supplement?”

Instead, try:

• “I’m here for you, whatever you need”
• “You’re not alone in this”
• “I may not understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help”
• “What can I do to help?”

Practical Ways to Help With Mental Health Support

Mental health support isn’t only about conversations. You might be able to provide practical assistance as well. Keep in mind that you can offer to provide this help, and your loved one doesn’t have to accept it. If they say no, try to accept that with nonjudgmental humility.

Assist with Daily Tasks

Depression, anxiety, and other conditions can make everyday responsibilities feel overwhelming. Offering to help with specific tasks like grocery shopping, meal preparation, childcare, or household chores might provide some tangible relief.

Accompany Them to Appointments

Some people find medical appointments to be intimidating, especially those suffering from anxiety or depression. Offering to drive them or sit in the waiting room shows support and increases the likelihood they’ll follow through with treatment. You could be the loving presence that makes the process a little less scary.

Help Research Treatment Options

Navigating the mental healthcare system can be challenging even for people who are feeling well. If your loved one wants to begin treatment for their mental health condition, you can help out by researching local providers who accept their insurance, creating a list of telehealth therapy options, or helping compile questions for potential providers. 

Setting Healthy Boundaries for Mental Health Support

You can’t help others if you aren’t taking care of yourself. And you can’t take care of yourself without healthy boundaries. 

Acknowledge Your Limitations and Boundaries

You cannot be anyone’s sole source of support, nor should you try. So establish clear boundaries around your time and emotional capacity. Even therapists have to do this! 

Unfortunately, it can be difficult to identify your own personal limits in the abstract. Here are a few questions to ask yourself to help identify your limits:

• What am I willing and unwilling to do? (ie I will listen and provide validation. I will not answer the phone after midnight.)
• What behavior am I willing to accept? (ie If my loved one yells at me or insults me, I will lovingly end the conversation.)
• How much time do I have available to help?
• What will I do if I start to feel overwhelmed?

Enforce Your Boundaries

People often get confused about the way boundaries work. That is, they don’t understand that they aren’t boundaries if you don’t enforce them. We’ve heard family members say things like “I’ve said that she can’t ask me for a ride in the middle of the night, but she keeps violating my boundaries by calling at 2:00 am for a ride.”

It is unreasonable to expect someone else to respect your boundaries if you don’t respect them first. That means if you say you won’t give someone a ride in the middle of the night, you have to not give them a ride in the middle of the night. If you are not willing to say no when you get that request, then you haven’t established a boundary.

Recognize Warning Signs of Burnout

Caregivers and support people are at high risk for burnout. In our DBT consultation team, we assess each other for burnout every single week. If you are the mental health support person for a loved one, it’s important to monitor your own burnout as well. 

Watch for symptoms like persistent fatigue, irritability, withdrawal from your own social connections, or resentment toward the person you’re supporting. These indicate you need to adjust your level of involvement.

Build Your Support Network

Identify people with whom you can discuss your feelings and challenges. This might include friends, family members, support groups for caregivers, or your own therapist.

When to Seek Emergency Help

Understanding when a situation requires immediate professional intervention is crucial. Here are some situations that might require immediate help:

• Suicidal statements or behaviors
• Inability to care for basic needs
• Psychotic symptoms (hallucinations or delusions)
• Aggressive behavior that threatens safety

In these circumstances, contact emergency services, a crisis helpline like 988, or take your loved one to the nearest emergency room.

Mental Health Support: The Power of Consistency

Perhaps the most meaningful mental health support you can offer is consistent presence. Mental health conditions often involve periods of improvement and relapse. Your steady, nonjudgmental support communicates to your loved one that you value them regardless of their struggles.

Remember that recovery isn’t linear, and progress often comes in small increments. You and your loved one might want to celebrate small victories together. Attending a therapy session, using a new coping skill, or simply having a better day–these are all wins. 

At Gladstone Psychiatry and Wellness, we believe in collaborative care that includes supportive family and friends. If you’re helping someone navigate mental health challenges, we welcome your involvement in their treatment journey with their consent.

Your compassion makes a difference, even on days when it doesn’t feel like it. By educating yourself, communicating effectively, offering practical help, and maintaining healthy boundaries, you provide invaluable support to your loved one while modeling the importance of self-care.