DBT Mindfulness

DBT Mindfulness: The “How” Skills

In our previous post, we explored the DBT Mindfulness “What” Skills—Observe, Describe, and Participate. These skills teach us what to do when practicing mindfulness. Today, we’re going to talk about the “How” Skills, which teach us how to practice mindfulness. The three “How” skills are Non-Judgmentally, One-Mindfully, and Effectively.

Just like the “What” skills, the “How” skills are all grounded in mindfulness—being intentionally aware of the present moment without judgment, attachment, or rejection. When we combine the “What” and “How” skills together, we create a complete mindfulness practice that can help us regulate our emotions and improve our mental health.

Mindfulness Non-Judgmentally Skill

Practicing non-judgmentally means observing without evaluating things as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong.” It means seeing things as they are, not as we think they should be.

We all make judgments constantly. It’s what our brains do automatically. We judge ourselves, other people, situations, our thoughts, and our feelings. While judgments can sometimes be useful, they often cause us unnecessary suffering. When we judge our emotions as “bad” or “wrong,” we add a layer of pain on top of the original emotion. For example, if you feel anxious and then judge yourself for feeling anxious (“I shouldn’t be anxious,” “I’m so weak for feeling this way”), you now have anxiety plus shame or frustration about the anxiety.

Practicing DBT mindfulness non-judgmentally doesn’t mean we never evaluate or make decisions. It simply means we notice when we’re judging and practice letting go of those judgments. When you catch yourself making a judgment, you can acknowledge it and then try to replace it with a non-judgmental observation. For instance, instead of “This is terrible,” you might say “This is difficult” or simply “This is what’s happening right now.”

Here are some DBT mindfulness exercises for practicing the non-judgmental skill:

Notice when you use judgmental words like “good,” “bad,” “should,” “shouldn’t,” “right,” “wrong,” “fair,” or “unfair.” When you catch yourself, try rephrasing without the judgment.
Pay attention to your self-talk for one day. Write down any judgmental thoughts you have about yourself. Then, practice rewriting them in non-judgmental language.
When you feel an emotion, practice describing it without judging it. Instead of “I feel terrible,” try “I notice I’m feeling sadness and tension in my chest.”
Watch people in a public place and practice observing them without making judgments about their appearance, behavior, or choices.
When something doesn’t go as planned, notice any “should” statements that arise (“This shouldn’t have happened,” “They should have known better”). Practice replacing them with acceptance statements like “This is what happened” or “This is the situation I’m in right now.”
At the end of each day, write down three things that happened without adding any positive or negative judgments—just the facts of what occurred.

Mindfulness One-Mindfully Skill

One-mindfully means doing one thing at a time with your full attention. In our modern world, we’re constantly multitasking—texting while watching TV, thinking about tomorrow while eating lunch, planning our response while someone is talking to us. When we practice one-mindfully, we bring our full attention to whatever we’re doing in this moment.

Multitasking might seem efficient, but research shows that it actually reduces our effectiveness and increases our stress. When we do one thing at a time with our complete focus, we not only do it better, but we also experience it more fully. This allows us to be truly present in our lives.

Practicing DBT mindfulness one-mindfully means that when your mind wanders to other things (and it will—that’s what minds do), you simply notice it and gently bring your attention back to what you’re doing right now. You’re not trying to empty your mind or stop thoughts from coming. You’re just practicing returning your focus to the present activity again and again.

Here are some DBT mindfulness exercises for practicing the one-mindful skill:

Choose one routine activity each day (like brushing your teeth, washing dishes, or taking a shower) and commit to doing it one-mindfully, without thinking about other things or planning your day.
When eating a meal, put away your phone, turn off the TV, and focus only on eating. Notice the taste, texture, and smell of your food.
During a conversation, practice keeping your full attention on the other person. When your mind wanders to what you want to say next or to other topics, gently bring it back to listening.
Set a timer for 5 minutes and do a single task without switching to anything else. If you notice yourself wanting to multitask, simply acknowledge the urge and return to your one task.
Try “single-tasking” for one hour. Whatever you do during that hour, do only that thing with your full attention.
When thoughts about the past or future arise during an activity, notice them and say to yourself “Not now” or “Come back to now,” then return your attention to the present activity.
Practice driving without the radio, podcasts, or phone calls. Just drive and notice the experience of driving.

Mindfulness Effectively Skill

The effectiveness skill means doing what works. It’s about focusing on what’s effective in achieving your goals rather than what’s “right,” “fair,” or “justified.” Sometimes we get so caught up in proving we’re right or in how things “should” be that we act in ways that don’t actually help us or move us toward what we want.

Being effective means playing by the rules that exist, not the rules we wish existed. It means reading the room and responding to the actual situation in front of us, not the situation we think should be there. This doesn’t mean giving up your values or never standing up for yourself—it means being strategic about when and how you do these things.

Think of it this way: You can be right and effective, or you can be right and ineffective. Being effective often requires letting go of “being right” in favor of achieving your actual goals. Ask yourself: “What do I want to accomplish here? What action will help me get there?”

Here are some DBT mindfulness exercises for practicing the effective skill:

Before responding in a difficult situation, pause and ask yourself: “What is my goal here? What response will be most effective in achieving that goal?”
Notice when you’re caught up in thoughts about fairness or what “should” happen. Ask yourself: “What would be effective right now, given the reality of this situation?”
Think of a current problem you’re facing. Write down three possible responses: what feels “right,” what feels “fair,” and what would be most effective. Notice if these are different.
Practice “going with the flow” in a low-stakes situation. If plans change unexpectedly, focus on adapting effectively rather than on how things should have gone.
When you feel the urge to prove you’re right in a disagreement, pause and consider: “Is being right more important than my goal right now? What would be effective?”
Observe someone you admire who is skilled at handling difficult situations. Notice how they balance being true to themselves with being effective.
At the end of each day, reflect on one interaction. Ask yourself: “Was I effective? Did my actions move me toward my goals, or was I focused on being right?”

DBT Mindfulness: Bringing It All Together

The DBT mindfulness “How” skills work hand-in-hand with the “What” skills. You can observe non-judgmentally, describe one-mindfully, or participate effectively. These skills complement each other and create a rich mindfulness practice.

Remember, mindfulness is a practice—it’s something we work on continuously, not something we perfect. Every time you notice your mind has judged, wandered, or gotten caught up in being “right,” and you gently redirect yourself, you’re strengthening your mindfulness muscles. Be patient with yourself as you develop these skills.

How Do I Find a DBT Therapist Near Me?

If you are looking for help from a DBT therapist in Maryland, Gladstone Psychiatry and Wellness can help. We are in network with most insurance plans and we see both adults and adolescents age 14 and older. We offer sessions via zoom or in person in our Hunt Valley, Baltimore City (Mt. Washington), Bethesda, Columbia, or Frederick, Maryland locations. Our comprehensive DBT program is certified by the DBT-Linehan Board of Certification. This means that we provide DBT therapy with a high level of fidelity to the evidence-based model created by the developer of DBT, Dr. Marsha Linehan.

If you would like to schedule an appointment, visit our website or email us at [email protected] for an application.