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What is respect in a relationship? One of the most common complaints that we hear in family or couples therapy sessions is “I feel like my partner/child/parent doesn’t respect me.” When someone close to you does things that don’t comport with your idea of respect, it’s natural to conclude that this means they don’t respect you. If, say, your partner makes a large purchase without asking for your opinion, or your child refuses to follow your rules, you might assume that they did those things out of disrespect.

The truth is that feelings aren’t facts. This means that you feeling disrespected isn’t the same thing as the other person feeling disrespect toward you. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to be upset about the other person’s actions. Quite the opposite. If your loved one has done something that caused you to feel hurt, it’s important to communicate those feelings honestly and accurately–without making assumptions about the other person’s intentions. In fact, this accurate, non-judgmental communication of your own emotions is a key component of self-respect in a relationship.